Thursday, May 31, 2012

Welcome Summer!

This week wraps up our final days of school!  Welcome Summer!  We Crow's aren't shy about our love of summertime!  Spending time together is something we love to do and can't get enough of....on most days ;)  We are ready for lots of ice cream, popcicles, smores, and snow cones!

Enjoy our lake photos from the weekend!  This is one of our most favorite activities in the summer!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

I Celebrate Her

Today was a day that I dread.  A day I go into church and sit in the back row.  This isn't our regular spot, but today is also not a regular day.  I sit close to the back because I usually fight back those silent tears and can't wait to get out of the door.  I feel the anger swelling up inside of me when our pastor calls on those mothers whose children or child are not here to celebrate this day with them.  That blew my attempt to be invisible.  The anger, pity, and selfish heartache tend to take over this day of celebration....but not this year.

This year my Pastor asks me, of all people to get up and speak to our congregation about my mother.  Was he crazy?  I kept asking myself this question.  I don't even like Mother's Day!  I kept telling myself over and over.  He asked me on Friday and I pleaded with God all weekend.  My plan was to call him and tell him he chose the wrong person, but I never did.  I got up Sunday, having no idea what I would say when he called on me. 

I could speak of many things about my mother.  She is an amazing woman of God, and there is a strong Godly heritage in our family.  As I got up there, the tears tried to flow, but I held it together.  I spoke of her mountain moving faith and told a story of her and Colt that I knew would make me smile.  She prayed Joey and I through many circumstances when we physically and spiritually didn't have the strength to pray.  On this Mother's Day, I stood and honored my Mother.  I was finally able to set aside my selfish heartache and celebrate her.  

All the children handed out roses to their Mother's at church.  I received an extra rose from the son of a special friend also.  After church we went to the cemetery and put the roses on Colt's headstone.  In front of his headstone there was a huge craw fish hole so the kids decided to try to catch one.  I have to say it was a pretty sweet day.  We celebrated with a cookout at our house that evening.  A fantastic ending to a fantastic day. 

*Not the greatest pictures taken with my iPhone.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012


Luci had the greatest time playing with her big brothers bubble machine!

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Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Fear Not

Midnight was the deadline.  It was the deadline to sign my two 8 year olds up for summer church camp.  They would be leaving for 4 days in June going to a camp with a pool, waterslides, and all sorts of fun games along with daily services.  The thought of sending them off without me makes my heart race, and gives me that huge not in my throat.  I thought to myself, how can I bribe them to change their minds? 

The problem, I had promised them last year that they could go.  I had talked them out of it last year, but promised them... "next year."  Here it was the last day to sign them up and I was working up a sweat to try to find a way to convince them to stay home.  It's just hard for me to go there.  It's hard for me to let my kids go somewhere that I can't keep an eye on them.  It's always been this way since we lost Colt.  Even the thought of sending them to school terrified me.  Thankfully, I was able to get a job at the same school they go to.  Tell me that's not devine intervention...hello!  Not only that, but I've missed out on several ladies retreats with church because the thought of leaving them terrifies me.  I feel like I need to spend every minute with them because who knows what tomorrow brings.  The night Colt passed away I was gone.  I had left him for a couple of hours to go finish up some Christmas shopping not knowing that when I snuck out that it would be the last time I saw him alive on this earth.

This fear I have is real and it's crippling.  So here I was sitting in a parking lot eating my lunch while Luci slept in the back seat, going back and forth with myself about letting them go.  I texted our Pastor and told him to put them on the list.  When I hit the send button my heart was racing.  I sat and I prayed...Please Lord, let them remember that I kept this promise and was just excited as they were.  Don't let them know that they almost missed it again because of my fear.  I want to leave them a legacy of hope. I don't want this crippling fear to cast out all hope.  I want them to see our family go all out for Jesus, and His perfect will for our life.  I constantly miss out on opportunities to live for Him because of my fear of losing them.  I can't be afraid.  I have to look these fears in the eye and say " I have Jesus, He's bigger than cancer, or tragedy." 

I teach my children that they can do all things through Christ who gives them strength, that He is with us wherever we go, and will uphold us with his righteous right's time for me to live it. 


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