Wednesday, May 16, 2012

I Celebrate Her

Today was a day that I dread.  A day I go into church and sit in the back row.  This isn't our regular spot, but today is also not a regular day.  I sit close to the back because I usually fight back those silent tears and can't wait to get out of the door.  I feel the anger swelling up inside of me when our pastor calls on those mothers whose children or child are not here to celebrate this day with them.  That blew my attempt to be invisible.  The anger, pity, and selfish heartache tend to take over this day of celebration....but not this year.

This year my Pastor asks me, of all people to get up and speak to our congregation about my mother.  Was he crazy?  I kept asking myself this question.  I don't even like Mother's Day!  I kept telling myself over and over.  He asked me on Friday and I pleaded with God all weekend.  My plan was to call him and tell him he chose the wrong person, but I never did.  I got up Sunday, having no idea what I would say when he called on me. 

I could speak of many things about my mother.  She is an amazing woman of God, and there is a strong Godly heritage in our family.  As I got up there, the tears tried to flow, but I held it together.  I spoke of her mountain moving faith and told a story of her and Colt that I knew would make me smile.  She prayed Joey and I through many circumstances when we physically and spiritually didn't have the strength to pray.  On this Mother's Day, I stood and honored my Mother.  I was finally able to set aside my selfish heartache and celebrate her.  

All the children handed out roses to their Mother's at church.  I received an extra rose from the son of a special friend also.  After church we went to the cemetery and put the roses on Colt's headstone.  In front of his headstone there was a huge craw fish hole so the kids decided to try to catch one.  I have to say it was a pretty sweet day.  We celebrated with a cookout at our house that evening.  A fantastic ending to a fantastic day. 

*Not the greatest pictures taken with my iPhone.


Unknown said...

Christi, I am so glad that it went well! How very special your Pastor asked you to speak. I love the sweet pictures :) The bench you guys did is beautiful. I am glad you posted I was wondering how you were.

Kerry said...

Christi you are a strong woman to be able to do this, to put aside your own fears and heartache and stand before everyone on a day that is surely heartbreaking for you, and to talk about your own mum.
You have beautiful children, and your little man's resting place is beautiful, if I can say that. The roses are a very sweet touch xo

Kathy said...

Christi, I admire you so much. Your faith is such a testimony. I wish I could have been there to hear you talk-I'm sure it was so touching :)

Jamie said...

I am so sorry for your loss.


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